The human distaste for rejection is so strong that it influences many of the daily decisions people make – personally and professionally. “We don’t join a conversation in the breakroom or speak up at a meeting,” says Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. “Maybe we don’t choose a certain color shirt that morning. Some people don’t care, and can recount all their failures with a smile. But for most of us, the fear comes from our goal of pleasing people.”

This constant effort to appease stems from a perpetual concern with social acceptance. Take going to the grocery store, for example. “You don’t take your shirt off, or run around screaming, or push your cart into people,” says Dr. Mark Leary, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. “We’re programmed to always be aware of how we’re being accepted.”

While some take rejection (or what’s perceived to be a snub) in stride, others react with varying degrees of sadness, hurt, embarrassment and anger. Often, the fear of being socially shunned originates from a deep sense of inadequacy, resulting in a tidal wave of emotions.

For most people, beginning at a very early age, those around them give them messages regarding their identity and how others perceive them, says psychotherapist and executive coach Andrew Snyder. What is relayed continues to create insecurities, particularly the negative. “Rejection touches on wounds we’ve been given, especially feelings of inferiority,” he says. “It shakes our confidence and sometimes reopens those wounds. You have doubts about yourself, and if someone touches on that, it can be very painful.”

And that’s why the answer “We’re not interested” to a carefully crafted sales pitch can be so hard to hear. The prospect has just responded with a resounding “no” to the all-important question, “Do I personally have what it takes to make this sale?” It then becomes challenging to muster the energy needed to counter the refusal, while a series of unsuccessful calls makes it increasingly difficult to continue prospecting.

Businesspeople craft a persona to give them the confidence to win the sale – but a rejection can crack that persona. “When you put yourself out there, the question of ‘Who am I?’ is answered,” says Morin. “It shakes up our beliefs about ourselves. We cover up the hurt with anger and say, ‘I just won’t try anymore.’”

It’s called “call reluctance,” and it’s a self-defeating cycle. The good news is that it can be overcome. Instead of allowing rejection to become a personal threat, reframe it, says Snyder. “Look at a no as ‘not a fit.’ In sales, it means your product was just not a good fit for that buyer. Reframing allows us to recognize that the way someone treats us is not a verdict on our value as people.”

Another way to deal positively with rejection: be gracious instead of annoyed. If you indeed face a flat-out “no,” don’t hang up in obvious disgust. “Always express an unshakable confidence in yourself and your company,” says Michael Levitt, president of MRL Promotions (asi/258137). “Have a positive attitude, and show them appreciation for the opportunity.” Why is this so effective? It’s simply not something the buyer hears often. “Thank them and ask if there’s something you could have done differently,” says Larry Alford, VP of sales at Axis Promotions (asi/128263). “Even if you just leave a voicemail, you’re saving face. Hold your head up high. You only failed if you didn’t plant a seed for a future opportunity.”